So, you're all about Christmas shopping and you think your Christmas list is too short. (Notice, I didn't say 'holiday' shopping; how in-your-face politically incorrect do I want to get?) Here's a few ideas for anyone who wants someone to shop for and some helpful gift suggestions.
Michael Richards. Michael's been a bad boy, but he's been contrite. Let's give him a tuition-paid scholarship to the Mel Gibson School of Charm and Diplomacy.
The Two Young Men Michael Richards (allegedly) Insulted. Sandpaper. They should apply it liberally over their skin to make it thicker and tougher. Isn't enough that Michael said he's sorry; did you really have to go to a lawyer and say you want money for being insulted after you were rude first?
O.J. Simpson: Let's give OJ what he would have had coming to him had he REALLY killed his ex-wife and her friend.
Anna Nichole Smith, Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Pamela Anderson, and any other clueless bimbo I may have forgotten. Vanishing cream.
John Bolton and Donald Rumsfeld. These two guys need jobs. Any Wal-Marts out there need greeters?
Osama bin Laden. He's been a very bad boy. Give Osama some coal. Right up the chute.
Dolly Parton. Unfettered support. After all she wrote the book on being classy, down to earth, successful and looking really good at 60 (and I couldn't resist the boob pun).
Homeless cats everywhere: A warm, comfy lap to sit on, and a secure home with unlimited tummy snorgles.
Harrison Ford: My phone number.
Merry Christmas!
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1 comment:
Chlorine, have you seen the unfettered Dolly on red carpet to the Kennedy Ctr Honors this week?
Here's the WashPost photo:
http://tinyurl.com/yxntkf
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