Tips for women of a certain age

It's hard to be an aging sex symbol, but somebody's gotta do it.

Looking, feeling and being your very best takes more effort than it used to. And that comes at a time when making an effort wears you out, not lifts you up.

But it can be done.

Heads up! Literally. Never look down into a mirror. It'll ruin your day.

A girdle is no longer the enemy. Go ahead, buy one and gather unto you all that is thine own. Pack it in there. Affirm yourself.

However, don't be fooled into thinking you can carry off Spandex pants. Even with a girdle, unless you have the figure of a broomstick, Spandex is not your friend.

Resist the urge to say "when I was your age" to younger people. It dates you. They don't believe you ever were their age and would never believe the differences between then and now anyway. Besides, things were so much better then; they don't deserve to know what they're missing.

Remember the pencil test from the 1960s? Even if you passed it then, chances are good a roll of toilet paper wouldn't budge now. Sag is a drag; think underwire.

Bright blue eyeshadow was never a good idea. It has not gotten any better.

Blue and green nail polish look like bruises on older women. They look ridiculous on younger women too, but younger women can carry off ridiculous better than we can. We just shake our heads and say, "they just don't know any better."

Here's one my mother used to say, back in HER day: "Well reared girls shouldn't wear pants." Same goes for shorts. Cellulite has been known to frighten animals. Do you want that on your conscience? If you want comfort and style, try a loose summer dress. A flowing caftan adds drama.

An exercise tip: Say you got down on your knees to check for dust bunnies under the bed. OK. Just say it and humor me. So you're on the floor and can't get up. Turn it into an exercise opportunity. Turn over and sit on your backside; then scoot across the floor one cheek at a time until you get to the nearest piece of sturdy furniture to support you as you pull yourself up. You'll get a little exercise and either polish your hardwood floor or fluff up the nap on your carpet. That's multitasking.

Invest in a strong light in a private area of your house. Hide in there alone, switch on the light and grab some sharp nail scissors. Nose hairs: they're not just for guys.

If you're thinking about recapturing your youth with a tattoo, remember that rosebuds can turn into long-stemmed roses. See above remark about underwires.

Gray hair is beautiful. White hair can be dramatic and strikingly beautiful. Gray or white roots are just plain tacky.

Kathy Bates in a movie once said something to the effect of being older makes women invisible and easier for them to shoplift. They don't get caught because no one notices them. I'm not advocating petty theft; I'm saying tart up and be noticed! The world needs more aging sex symbols.