Funny how some things trigger long ago memories.
I noticed a college girl running up the street the other day. College girls, and guys, do that a lot, but this one stood out because her bosom was bouncing so hard it made me cross my arms in front of me and cringe with pain. I thought, get a good support bra, dear, before you bruise your knees.
That brought to mind the pencil test. Remember the pencil test? Back in the day, my day anyway, it was a test that determined whether or not you could safely go braless. Slip a pencil underneath your breast. If it fell to the floor you could; if it stayed put, you and Maidenform forged an alliance.
That in turn made me remember the last time I heard about the pencil test. I was new to a job, recently moved to a new area, and walked into a dispute between a few county commisioners and my boss, which for reasons I don't need to go into made it necessary for me to tape record county commission meetings in addition to my note-taking.
On a slow morning, the commission had little business to do, but was waiting for an appointment to show up when they decided to use the time to open the mail. One commissioner found a flyer advertising a seminar regarding a feminist topic and shot it over to the county attorney, a rather buxom woman, who said something about needing to attend that particular seminar. From the commissioner: "Ah Sarah (not her real name) go burn your bra."
From Sara: "James (not his real name) I've told you before. It's bad enough when you fail the pencil test, but when your hairbrush stays up here (pause) omigod, I'm on tape!"
Two things became apparent that day.
One, barriers between people come down when you share a good, long belly laugh.
The other: my hairbrush didn't budge either.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Time for a little religion
OK. We've discussed sex and politics here. Time to talk about religion.
It seems that public schools and universities across the country are considering Muslim students' requests for religious accommodation during Ramadan, the holy month of prayer and fasting, which continues through Oct. 12. Accommodations can include separate rooms where fasting students can go during lunch; places for students to perform daily prayers; the consideration of requests to make Eid al-Fitr, the holiday that ends Ramadan, a school holiday; and the installation of footbaths in restrooms to make it easier for students to follow prayer rituals.
What's wrong with this picture? Let's not even get into the touchy subject about associating Muslims and terrorists. Most Muslims are peace-loving, upstanding people. This is America. We are proud of our religious tolerance and our all-inclusiveness.
However, I'll take more kindly to footbaths in restrooms in public schools to accommodate Muslim religious traditions when school districts get over that ridiculous notion of "winter holidays" and bring back Christmas holidays and celebrations in the classrooms, anad when Halloween returns to the classrooms and scares the wits out of "harvest holidays" and chases them completely out of existence. When children in school can wish each other a Merry Christmas or Happy Hannukah without worrying they might offend someone, then talk to me about Ramadan.
Then there's the Nebraska lawmaker who has filed a lawsuit against God.
State Senator Ernie Chambers accuses God of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more. Chambers says God can be sued in Douglas County, Nebraska, because He's everywhere.
The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, blames God for natural disasters and is seeking a permanent injunction against Him.
Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.
Two points here: Never tick off someone who can smite you a good one.
God lives in Heaven. Where's He going to find a lawyer to defend Him?
It seems that public schools and universities across the country are considering Muslim students' requests for religious accommodation during Ramadan, the holy month of prayer and fasting, which continues through Oct. 12. Accommodations can include separate rooms where fasting students can go during lunch; places for students to perform daily prayers; the consideration of requests to make Eid al-Fitr, the holiday that ends Ramadan, a school holiday; and the installation of footbaths in restrooms to make it easier for students to follow prayer rituals.
What's wrong with this picture? Let's not even get into the touchy subject about associating Muslims and terrorists. Most Muslims are peace-loving, upstanding people. This is America. We are proud of our religious tolerance and our all-inclusiveness.
However, I'll take more kindly to footbaths in restrooms in public schools to accommodate Muslim religious traditions when school districts get over that ridiculous notion of "winter holidays" and bring back Christmas holidays and celebrations in the classrooms, anad when Halloween returns to the classrooms and scares the wits out of "harvest holidays" and chases them completely out of existence. When children in school can wish each other a Merry Christmas or Happy Hannukah without worrying they might offend someone, then talk to me about Ramadan.
Then there's the Nebraska lawmaker who has filed a lawsuit against God.
State Senator Ernie Chambers accuses God of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more. Chambers says God can be sued in Douglas County, Nebraska, because He's everywhere.
The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, blames God for natural disasters and is seeking a permanent injunction against Him.
Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.
Two points here: Never tick off someone who can smite you a good one.
God lives in Heaven. Where's He going to find a lawyer to defend Him?
Friday, September 14, 2007
Some random thoughts, part 2
Just some random thoughts today:
It seems that OJ Simpson has been questioned, this time for allegedly breaking and entering and stealing some sports memorabilia. Apparently he needs to pawn it. He owes the Goldman family some money. He says the memorabilia belongs to him. Why didn't he just ask for its return? The news report said he's not been arrested; he's believed to be still in the Las Vegas area where the theft occurred. Of course he is, he's looking for the real thief. Good luck with that, OJ.
The biggest baddie of them all, Osama bin Laden, wants America to embrace Islam. I think it's safe to say America wants Osama bin Laden to embrace a cactus.
America observed another 9/11 anniversary this week. It is nice to remember those who were so wrongly killed but something's missing. Where's the moral outrage that united us? Six years ago, we were united in wanting to kick terrorist butt. We flew flags on our cars, put them on our porches. We organized parades and got impromptu parades together, in case any terrorists were watching. We wanted them to know you don't mess with the United States, or we'll mess with you right back. Now we're sounding like we did when we were fighting in Vietnam. Let's bring the soldiers home. Yes. Let's. But let's do what we went to do: find Osama, make him pay, and let those people know that they'd better mind their own business and leave us alone. What have we done? We created snafus in airports. We have lists of passengers who shouldn't be let on airplanes and we detain children with the same names of some of them.
OK, we have done some good. Saddam is gone and so are his carbon copy sons. If they got their promised 70 virgins in the hearafter, I sincerely hope the women all have PMS, and the ones who don't are menopausal with severe hot flashes. That's my idea of what their Hell should be. Seventy crabby, mood-swinging, sweating women ready to kill at a glance.
Our CIA/FBI/other agencies involved have thwarted attacks and saved our freedom. That's good. But we no longer feel as safe and secure as we once did. Maybe that keeps us from becoming complacent.
And bin Laden is out there somewhere thumbing his nose at us and rattling his saber. Still. I don't want to feel the fear and the pain I felt six years ago but I do miss the unity we had in wanting to defend America.
On a lighter note, I bought a sweater set today that bears the label Sag Harbor. I'm wearing a shirt with the same label. Why do I feel like I should buy a brassiere from the same company?
Brittney Spears made the news again. (Sigh) OK. Once and for all. Brittney, put some clothes on. No one's impressed by the sequined bikini. You can't sing. You're paying someone big bucks to advise you on your career, and that person is failing badly. Your kids need you to grow up and raise them to be good citizens. Go back to school, get a real job, and fade into the sunset. You owe yourself and your kids more than just being a good bad example. Maybe try something with computers so you can telecommute.
It seems that OJ Simpson has been questioned, this time for allegedly breaking and entering and stealing some sports memorabilia. Apparently he needs to pawn it. He owes the Goldman family some money. He says the memorabilia belongs to him. Why didn't he just ask for its return? The news report said he's not been arrested; he's believed to be still in the Las Vegas area where the theft occurred. Of course he is, he's looking for the real thief. Good luck with that, OJ.
The biggest baddie of them all, Osama bin Laden, wants America to embrace Islam. I think it's safe to say America wants Osama bin Laden to embrace a cactus.
America observed another 9/11 anniversary this week. It is nice to remember those who were so wrongly killed but something's missing. Where's the moral outrage that united us? Six years ago, we were united in wanting to kick terrorist butt. We flew flags on our cars, put them on our porches. We organized parades and got impromptu parades together, in case any terrorists were watching. We wanted them to know you don't mess with the United States, or we'll mess with you right back. Now we're sounding like we did when we were fighting in Vietnam. Let's bring the soldiers home. Yes. Let's. But let's do what we went to do: find Osama, make him pay, and let those people know that they'd better mind their own business and leave us alone. What have we done? We created snafus in airports. We have lists of passengers who shouldn't be let on airplanes and we detain children with the same names of some of them.
OK, we have done some good. Saddam is gone and so are his carbon copy sons. If they got their promised 70 virgins in the hearafter, I sincerely hope the women all have PMS, and the ones who don't are menopausal with severe hot flashes. That's my idea of what their Hell should be. Seventy crabby, mood-swinging, sweating women ready to kill at a glance.
Our CIA/FBI/other agencies involved have thwarted attacks and saved our freedom. That's good. But we no longer feel as safe and secure as we once did. Maybe that keeps us from becoming complacent.
And bin Laden is out there somewhere thumbing his nose at us and rattling his saber. Still. I don't want to feel the fear and the pain I felt six years ago but I do miss the unity we had in wanting to defend America.
On a lighter note, I bought a sweater set today that bears the label Sag Harbor. I'm wearing a shirt with the same label. Why do I feel like I should buy a brassiere from the same company?
Brittney Spears made the news again. (Sigh) OK. Once and for all. Brittney, put some clothes on. No one's impressed by the sequined bikini. You can't sing. You're paying someone big bucks to advise you on your career, and that person is failing badly. Your kids need you to grow up and raise them to be good citizens. Go back to school, get a real job, and fade into the sunset. You owe yourself and your kids more than just being a good bad example. Maybe try something with computers so you can telecommute.
Friday, September 7, 2007
It's all about marketing, Part 2
It's amazing what consumers will consume. Creating a demand for a product isn't so much about finding a need and meeting it. It's all about marketing. Creating a desire whether you need it or not.
That's how so much useless stuff gets sold. If it weren't for useless stuff, there'd be no yard sales, thrift stores, and the uniquely American concept of re-gifting.
Remember the pet rock? Someone stuck some googly eyes on a rock, pasted on some fabric scraps, stuck it in a cardboard box printed to look like a pet carrier, and voila - the pet rock was born. It sold like Bic Macs. Who buys hotcakes anymore?
Much of modern art is more about marketing than it is about art. Take this guy Christophe. He wraps fabric around large objects — really large objects like bridges and buildings — or he puts up a series of poles with fabric on them, and calls it art. Before he calls it anything other than what it really is — gigantic sheets flapping in the wind — he does a media blitz. The great artist Christophe has struck again. Can it be compared to a Rembrandt? Not even close.
Marketing.
There's a big hulking piece of metal sitting in downtown St. Louis. It looks like a metal wall. A metal wall waiting for vandals to come with a blow torch and a pickup truck and haul it away to scrap metal dealers and make a fortune. Actually they'd do the city a favor if they did. It's rusting and ugly. But those who claim to be art experts call it the Serra Sculpture.
Marketing.
Want to do something nice for a person who has everything? Buy them a star. There's a place one can go to and for a fee you can have a star named after a friend or relative. Someone looks on a solar map, picks out a star, and then fills out a form that says OK, from now on that star will be called the John Smith star, assuming your friend's name is John Smith. But what really went on here? You gave someone some money and they gave you a piece of paper with your friend's name on it.
Marketing.
It takes a certain amount of verve to pull something like this off. It isn't illegal or immoral. In some instances it can be fun. How people spend their money is their business, and all it takes for some creative thinker to get rich is making people want to cut loose of some money for basically nothing in return.
What brings this on is the most recent marketing ploy. The Nicole Richie Cookbook. Author Robert Smith says it's aimed toward dieters who would be interested in knowing what scrawy Nicole Richie likes to eat. It's a book of empty pages. Sells for $11.99. Probably the easiest writing gig he ever got paid for.
Marketing.
What's next? A Paris Hilton Guide to Sobriety?
Check it out: http://www.nicolerichie.citymax.com.
That's how so much useless stuff gets sold. If it weren't for useless stuff, there'd be no yard sales, thrift stores, and the uniquely American concept of re-gifting.
Remember the pet rock? Someone stuck some googly eyes on a rock, pasted on some fabric scraps, stuck it in a cardboard box printed to look like a pet carrier, and voila - the pet rock was born. It sold like Bic Macs. Who buys hotcakes anymore?
Much of modern art is more about marketing than it is about art. Take this guy Christophe. He wraps fabric around large objects — really large objects like bridges and buildings — or he puts up a series of poles with fabric on them, and calls it art. Before he calls it anything other than what it really is — gigantic sheets flapping in the wind — he does a media blitz. The great artist Christophe has struck again. Can it be compared to a Rembrandt? Not even close.
Marketing.
There's a big hulking piece of metal sitting in downtown St. Louis. It looks like a metal wall. A metal wall waiting for vandals to come with a blow torch and a pickup truck and haul it away to scrap metal dealers and make a fortune. Actually they'd do the city a favor if they did. It's rusting and ugly. But those who claim to be art experts call it the Serra Sculpture.
Marketing.
Want to do something nice for a person who has everything? Buy them a star. There's a place one can go to and for a fee you can have a star named after a friend or relative. Someone looks on a solar map, picks out a star, and then fills out a form that says OK, from now on that star will be called the John Smith star, assuming your friend's name is John Smith. But what really went on here? You gave someone some money and they gave you a piece of paper with your friend's name on it.
Marketing.
It takes a certain amount of verve to pull something like this off. It isn't illegal or immoral. In some instances it can be fun. How people spend their money is their business, and all it takes for some creative thinker to get rich is making people want to cut loose of some money for basically nothing in return.
What brings this on is the most recent marketing ploy. The Nicole Richie Cookbook. Author Robert Smith says it's aimed toward dieters who would be interested in knowing what scrawy Nicole Richie likes to eat. It's a book of empty pages. Sells for $11.99. Probably the easiest writing gig he ever got paid for.
Marketing.
What's next? A Paris Hilton Guide to Sobriety?
Check it out: http://www.nicolerichie.citymax.com.
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