Disappointed about Paris

I'm really disappointed.

Although I've said that I prefer not to acknowledge the vacuous Paris Hilton, a week or so ago I'd read where she finally found a cause that she could support.

It seemed so perfect. Just tailor made for someone who until now had no real purpose except maybe to serve as a good bad example, and that wasn't necessarily by design.

Paris Hilton was said to have taken up the cause of helping drunken elephants in northeastern India.

Now there's a match made in — well maybe not heaven, but it just seemed so right.

If there's anything Paris Hilton knows about it's being drunk. And needing a little guidance and support.

The last we heard about her is that she'd seen the error of her ways and was now going to devote herself to doing good things. She scheduled a do-good trip to Africa, but later it was cancelled. That was probably a good thing too. Africa has enough problems, they don't need her added to them.

For a long time the tabloids focused on Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, for lack of something better to do, and we had no news of Paris until the Associated Press reported that she had heard about some elephants who habitually eat fermented fruit and go around drunker'n a sailor on shore leave, only bigger. She wanted to help.

It was a cause all her own. No one else was doing anything about it, and it was a chance for her to redeem herself.

Trouble is, it wasn't true. According to a news release from the venerable AP, "Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India."

I feel like I've just scored the six winning Powerball numbers, only to find out I had an outdated ticket. Paris still doesn't have a cause. Or a clue.

I'm just bummed about that.