Searching for my inner badass

I now have a new goal in life.

Notice please that I didn't say resolution. It's that time of year, I know, but by now I have established that I don't make resolutions. Some might say it would be a waste of effort; I say I don't need to make any.

But I can have a new goal, so I do.

I saw a photo of a cat recently with a caption under it that says "Tap into your inner badass."

That's my goal. I will tap into my inner badass.

Cats come by that naturally. The one in the photo reeked of inner badass-ness, and he was gorgeous. Tapping into mine may take a little work.

Sometimes my inner badass comes out when I'm driving, and I encounter an idiot on a cell phone who hasn't yet mastered doing two things at once. I don't know if the cell phone conversation is lacking, but the driving usually is, and I'm compelled to point that out using my middle finger.

Maybe tapping into my inner badass means saying what I think, but that gets complicated. I thought being able to do that came with age. As I get older I say what I think but it doesn't seem to have much effect. Either people expect that from older women or they're not listening. Either way, I don't seem to be badassing.

So I Googled inner badass just to keep all my bases covered. Others apparently have the same idea I do; there're 248,000 results for "inner badass" on Google. Most of them have to do with dating and fashion. Maybe if I bought leather pants I'd look like a fashion badass. But I keep wondering how much it costs to clean leather pants, so there goes my badass image, right into a puddle of practicality. Gotta work on that.

Maybe if I got some piercings. I got my ears pierced when I was 19 and I fainted. I've had brain surgery, but would I take the time and effort to get more piercings now that I have a basis for comparison? Probably not.

Maybe it's an attitude that shows through. Like Paul Newman in his younger days, you looked at him and knew he was a badass. He still has that look about him, come to think of it. Bette Davis had a certain badass quality about her. Ditto Debra Winger, Shirley McLaine. Jane Fonda tried to, but I don't think it worked for her, really. I try repeating to myself, "yeah, what's it to you?" And "You and what army?" Then I think back to how many times lately I've needed to use those phrases.

Sigh.

There's a fine line between being a badass and being rude. I don't want to be rude. No one likes rude, but people do appreciate a good badass. But a badass doesn't care what people think. Thus, the dilemma.

I still want to tap into my inner badass. I just have to find it first.