Valentines We'd Like to See

Hillary,
You wowed them in New Hampshire.
In Iowa, not so much.
When you let a few tears fall
You showed a human touch.

While you’re out trail-blazing
Campaigning in a whirl,
Remember now, if you don’t win
You’re still my little girl.
Love ya, Bill

Hillary,
My fine, worthy opponent
You’ve really shown your stuff.
While you don’t have my charisma
You’re still no bit of fluff.

The issues notwithstanding,
This race is getting tough.
So I say with sheer sarcasm,
That you’re likeable enough.
Your buddy, Barack


Barack, John, Mitt, Rudy, et al.:
You’re such a bunch of good ol’ boys
Won’t give a girl a break.
So let me tell you here and now,
And please make no mistake.

I won’t take discrimination
That you all use to fight me.
As far as this woman’s concerned,
You boys can all just bite me.
Love and kisses, Hillary

TV Writers
While you’re out walking picket lines
We’ve occupied our days
With reading, games and exercise
And many other ways
Of finding entertainment.
So it’s good luck that we wish you.
Don’t worry ‘bout returning
‘Cause quite frankly, we don’t miss you.
(Former) TV watching public

To American voting public:
We’re going to back off a while
And give you all a break.
You’ve heard about us far too long,
We know, for pity’s sake.

So in the coming months ahead
A gift to you we’re bringing:
An end to nuance, slams, insults,
Trash talk and all mud-slinging.

No longer will your mind be filled
With rumor and distortion
And comments we direct to blow
All things out of proportion.

Did you really think we would?
Or are we being cruel
And mixing up St. Valentine’s
With an early April Fool?
Gotcha, The Candidates