:Trick or what?

The pumpkins, corn stalks and other decorations seen all over the place make it clear that although it’s still fairly warm, Halloween is fast approaching.


Halloween also means tricks or treat. Some tricks can be funny; others really annoying. But they change as the generations change.

No one tips over outhouses any more. It’s hard to find someone who remembers having outhouses. My grandfather had one on his property in a small Illinois town, like a lot of his neighbors. This was before cities had plumbing and sewers. Pranksters around Halloween would tip them over but they never got my grandpa’s. He was no fool. A few weeks before Halloween pranks started he pushed his about three feet further so anyone trying to get close enough to get a good push got a rather unpleasant surprise instead.

Young people used to call folks on the phone around Halloween and ask if the caller’s refrigerator was running. Or they’d call stores and ask if they had Prince Albert in the can. Caller ID has rendered that little trick obsolete. Does anyone even carry Prince Albert tobacco any more?

When I was a teenager my cousins and I gathered some old purses, filled them with all kinds of disgusting material (including manure from the garden), and after dark we’d put one on the side of the road and hide. Most people would grab the purse, take off down the road, then brake to a sudden stop and toss the purse out so we would grab it and reuse it. We were aware of recycling even then.

But one night a girl in a very fancy dress grabbed the purse, opened it, and dumped the contents on her lap. I can’t say for sure that she learned a lesson about greed, but we learned one about vocabulary. And by the time the contents of that purse hit the fan, blame for the incident went to “a bunch of boys hiding along the road.” So we learned that being female has its advantages.

Oh for an Apple Z function in life

I don’t know about the rest of you, but computers baffle me. And I use one daily. Computers can be a lot like contrary husbands: they’re fine when they work but when they don’t.....

One aspect of the computer that I do like is its ability to undo a mistake. Whenever I’ve accidentally wiped out a line of copy, I can simply hit the Apple button and the letter Z and there it is like it was before I accidentally sent it to cyber limbo.

What would life be, I wonder, if we all had the Apple Z ability? A “do over” if you will. Back your car into the mailbox post and dent the bumper? An Apple Z button would straighten out the bumper and bring the mailbox back into its upright position.

Make a mistake balancing your checkbook? Apple Z will automatically restore your balance and keep your checks from turning from paper to rubber.

I have an email account with one of the large networks that offer free email. A few months ago it worked just fine, but then a group of computer geeks looked up from their cyber games, noticed the email chugging along like a fine watch, and said, “ Hey, that works great! Let’s fix it.” I’d like to take an Apple Z to their new improved email account and restore it to where I can actually use it.

But it’s probably best that if there were such a thing, Apple Z would be something that would control only ourselves, and not anyone else. If someone sitting behind you in the movies talks nonstop and keeps you from enjoying the show, it would be tempting to Apple Z that person’s mouth so full of popcorn he couldn’t speak for the rest of the picture, but probably in the long run not a good idea. Eventually he’ll swallow all the popcorn, gulp down his soda, and hit his own Apple Z button in your direction.

Unrestrained use of Apple Z could create pandemonium at a level never before seen in an election year. If you thought the Bush-Gore race of 2000 was chaotic, imagine a county full of people hitting their Apple Z buttons all the way up to the Supreme Court.

Probably best just to mind your own Apple Z buttons in your own life, right? But wouldn’t it be nice to have one?