Reality weather

A winter storm is brewing, again, and we all know what that means. Weather forecasters will prove that they don't have enough sense to come in out of it.

That probably isn't fair. They may very well know, but they probably have bosses who think it lends a touch of reality to send their weather reporters out in freezing rain, knee-deep snow, torrential rain, and blowing winds to tell TV viewers to stay inside because it's really bad out there.

We've all seen them, on the cable Weather Channel and on local news. Before dawn even cracks, they're out there in an empty parking lot scruffing their feet around chortling, "Look at how deep this ice is! It's really slippery."

Or they're leaning into the wind, holding on for dear life, describing how Hurricane Gidget is really tearing roofs off houses, and for Pete's sake, get out of town!

My personal favorite is the film crew that drives around while snow and ice are building up and the road crews aren't even out yet, the camera guy is filming the windshield wipers going back and forth and the reporter narrating "It's gosh-awful out here; better stay off the roads."


Some weather forecast events I'd like to see —

An 80-degree day, blue skies, balmy breezes, weather guy slugging down a glass of iced tea, saying, "It's a gorgeous day out here. Too bad you're stuck at work and my job is to be out here rubbing it in your face."

Early spring. Weather crew is standing in a freshly-mowed field; pollen flying; bees buzzing. Weather guy swatting at bees with one hand, holding the mic and an injection pen with the other, wiping his nose on his sleeve and sneezing. "It's allergy season, folks," he croaks. "Crank up the air conditioners."

Wintry mix falling, accumulating. Weather guy on a parking lot. "It's really coming down, freezing rain mixed with sleet. Let me show you what the parking lot looks like here.' Takes a step, and THUD! Followed by "(Expletive), let me inside, dammit! It's not fit out here for man, beast or studio executive."

Now that would be reality TV at its best.