Things I can do without

Ladies magazines lately have been printing lists of things various people, mostly celebrities, can't live without. Some of these pampered people would just expire if they didn't have a certain kind of mascara, or some herbal tea that tastes awful, or some such thing.

There's really nothing other than oxygen, chocolate and cats that I can't live without, but there are some things I wouldn't miss if I didn't have to be aware of them. Here's a few:

> Knowing anything at all about the Lohans, pere et fille.
> Food-flavored bath products. I'd rather smell like flowers than food. And there's something very distasteful about the latest product I noticed: chocolate cherry foot cream.
> Blue and green nail polish. One looks like a bruise; the other a fungus.
> What passes for Saturday morning cartoons on TV. Where oh where are Bugs Bunny, Mighty Mouse, Sylvester and Tweety Bird? And what in the world are Transformers doing to the minds of innocent little children?
> Vegetable pizza. If a pizza doesn't have greasy, spicy meat offset by anchovies, then don't even bother wasting dough.
> Kim Kardashian's back to back wedding and divorce, Paris Hilton's anything, and Jessica Simpson's pregnancy.
> Non-stop political debates among a dozen so-called candidate wanna-bees that turn into bitch-fests. Very little solid information ever escapes from them.
> Presidential prime-time speeches peppered with surly innuendo. Leak it to the press like everyone else and quit interrupting NCIS!
> Christmas store promotions in September.
> Sports games on TV that leak over into subsequent programing time. Whose brilliant idea was it to stop the clock so players can wander around, scratch their backsides, and split hairs over nothing of any importance in the greater scheme of things?
> Daylight Savings Time. Sanity returns this weekend!
> Laws that prevent normal people from delivering a pie in the face to anyone seen driving and talking on a cell phone.
> By the same token, laws that prevent anyone from kneecapping anyone who blows a red light because they were distracted while driving. It should be open season on anyone seen behind the wheel with a bent elbow and a hand against the ear.
> Green bean casserole.
> Brussels sprouts.
> Sphynx cats. I love cats, but fur-less felines are a cruel trick on nature.
> Inappropriate apostrophe's.
> Unnecessary "quote" marks.

Watch out world! Women in their M&M years (between menopause and Medicare) are going to take over the world. We're getting our lists in order!