Pop goes the — Bubble Wrap

It’s my guilty little secret — I love to pop Bubble Wrap.

I even have a stash at home. Whenever I feel especially stressed or — more likely — whenever I come across the stash, I pop a few of the little pockets of sealed air, and it makes me laugh.

Recently I bought a little tray of eye shadows that came in a box, and the plastic tray in the box was sealed with teeny-tiny bubble wrap. I didn’t think they’d pop but they did. Little teeny-tiny pops. It was fun.

Bubble Wrap is one of those inventions that was discovered by accident, like penicillin but not as serious. Two guys in 1957 — Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavaness — decided to make three-dimensional plastic wallpaper. Why in the world they thought that was a good idea, we’ll never know. Surely their wives didn’t give them that idea: “Honey, you know what would look good in the dining room? Wallpaper with blisters all over it, like acne.”

The wallpaper notion failed, but Fielding later got it, and formed the Sealed Air Corporation in 1960, which today still makes the popular packing material.

 Bubble Wrap as a source of enjoyment took off and people over the world love to pop it. The last Monday of January has been designated Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.

One day while visiting the local UPS Store I saw a large roll of Bubble Wrap about five feet high and a foot or so across. I asked the clerk if anyone had ever asked to lay a stretch of the Bubble Wrap across the floor and roll on it. For some reason, she thought that was odd.

Amazon and eBay both sell Bubble Wrap suits, onesies, and even a string bikini. There are even Facebook pages devoted to Bubble Wrap. I “liked” one called Popping Bubble Wrap. One can even find Internet sites devoted to virtual Bubble Wrap popping. It’s like fake whipped cream; it’ll do if the real thing isn’t available.

Recently Sealed Air Corporation announced it was revamping its product, and Bubble Wrap will soon take up less space and its bubbles won’t pop. I don’t know if Alfred Fielding is still alive or has any input into the company if he is, but somehow I don’t think he’d approve. I know I don’t.

The company posted the solution to the popless bubbles as “at least you still have virtual Bubble Wrap to pop.”

Not the same.

The annoyance factor has been eliminated. That’s half the fun!

Olympic events I’d like to see

Everybody has been watching the games in Rio and commenting about how great the athletes are — at least the ones who aren’t doping.

You gotta admire anyone who can swim like Michael Phelps. And how about those gymnasts! I can trip and fall on a dust bunny, and those kids make navigating a balance beam look like a walk in the park.

But there are a few events I wonder about. Ping Pong? Really? An Olympic event? I’m not convinced. One winter sport I’ve wondered about is curling. Maybe it’s fun, I don’t know. Anything involving a broom doesn’t sound like a sport to me. A broom on ice leading what looks like one of those weights you see at the gym. What’s the point of it?

It seems though there are some activities that ought to be Olympic events.

Eating should be one. There are people who enter competitions to see how many hotdogs they can eat in a few minutes time. It seems like a good way to get sick, but they call it competitive eating and they practice for competitions. It seems like the winners are always thin. Instead of doping, maybe they would disqualify themselves by binging and purging.

I’ve always said I can lounge with the best of them. Not luge – going headfirst on your belly on ice. That’s a good way to earn a trip to the emergency room. I have lounging down! A comfortable recliner, a good book, a pot of coffee and a few doughnuts and I can hold that position most of a morning. Extra points would be given for being able to read and sip coffee with a cat on one’s lap without losing your place in the book, spilling coffee or annoying the cat.

Shopping. There are so many ways to go for the gold behind a shopping cart. Competitors would be judged on their ability to scan a department at Kohl’s, find items 60 percent off and still in season, whip out a Master Card and be checked out in the least amount of time. Grocery shoppers would demonstrate how they can load a cart with managers specials while at the same time planning how to cook and serve them, choose vegetables that have no bad spots on them without overturning the display, and buy the freshest bread without squeezing it out of shape. Extra points would go to shoppers who have their coupons organized by expiration date, and in order of purchase. Bonus points go to the shoppers who don’t write a check for the purchase, then record the transaction and balance the checkbook while others in line worry that the milk in their carts will expire before they get to the cashier.

Driving. Competitors in the driving event would have to demonstrate their skill at using a turn signal, their ability to stay in the lane they’re supposed to be in, and show expertise in merging from an off ramp into the Interstate without causing a pileup.

This is just a sample. I’m sure if you put your mind to it you could come up with a few Olympic events of your own — complaining, swearing, sleeping late, maneuvering the TV remote. The list is endless and all are worthy endeavors.