Say cheese! NOT

I hoped I was having a bad dream. There I was covering a meeting at a vo-tech school that was showing off its culinary arts program. The school administration was there, the school board was there, and so were some city officials. It was a lunch meeting.

I looked down at the table in front of me. There was cheese soup, some kind of pasta covered in cheese. A baked potato dripping with cheese. The only thing that didn’t have cheese on it or in it was the green Jell-O.

Did I mention? I hate cheese. Good thing I like Jell-O.

It seems that no matter where I go people keep trying to cram cheese down my throat. I go through a fast food drive through. I order a hamburger.

“You want cheese on that?”

I used to be polite and say, no, thank you, but they heard the thank you, ignored the no, and I’d get a cheeseburger I didn’t order.  Now I just say, emphatically, NO!

You can’t just scrape it off; little bits of it remain and the taste lingers. I once drove back to the drive through and demanded a new burger without cheese. I got it, but they acted like I had committed a sin.

I like to watch the Food Network, but it seems that every celebrity chef is getting kickbacks from the cheese lobby. They put that stuff on everything. The state of Vermont has a law, so someone says, that it’s against the law to eat apple pie without cheddar cheese. Haven’t those people heard of ice cream?

I find though that I’m not alone. Recently I found a blog called “Cheese Sucks.” A British writer, Ellen Scott, wrote an article about a year ago that I found on the Internet called: “28 struggles only people who don’t like cheese understand.”

Here are a few. “Canpes are a minefield. Cheese puffs, cheese and crackers, little cubes of cheese with pineapple. Finger food is for cheese-lovers, not us poor, neglected souls.” Peanut butter on Ritz crackers is so much better. Bring your own to the next party you’re invited to.

“Holding back your rage when someone suggests you just haven’t been eating ‘good’ cheese.” There is a correlation; people who say “you’ll like liver the way I make it.” You could gold-plate cheese, or liver, and I’d still go for the peanut butter.

“You will never understand the fun of fondue.” I will if it’s chocolate with bits of pound cake.

“Overhearing people talking about loving a ‘good stinky cheese’ genuinely makes you want to throw up.” I know someone who made a cheeseburger with Limburger cheese and stunk up the kitchen for days. We are no longer friends.

I don’t believe little kids prefer mac ‘n cheese to any kind of good food, like steak. And did you know people roll mac ‘n cheese into a ball and deep fry it? Gross!

If you like cheese, feel free to indulge. Just don’t be insulted when I politely decline to share. And one more thing: I’ll bet my cholesterol is way better than any cheese-lover’s.