Ways to keep warm

It's cold enough to make Al Gore re-think global warming.

Remember back a few months ago when we were all griping about how hot it was? Try to remember how hot it really was, and maybe that will warm you up a little now.

Not working? Here are a few suggestions to get warm on a frosty day.

Think about really thin people, and how much colder it must be for them. They have no reserves. There's no extra padding to warm them up. That ought to make you feel warmer.

No? Let's get specific. Think about that poor scrawny Callista Flockhart. If she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue she'd look like a zipper. Now think abour that poor bony thing snuggling up to Harrison Ford. That makes me all warm and envious. Shoot, skip Callista and think about Harrison. He lights my fire.

Conjure up someone who lights your fire, and let it simmer.

Whip up some hot cocoa.

Or a frenzy.

If you don't have to go anywhere, make a pot of coffee (or tea or cocoa), and find a favorite book. Cuddle up in an overstuffed chair with a blanket and the coffee, in front of a sunny window and enjoy the book. A cat on your lap is optional, but warm.

Chicken noodle soup.

A big bowl of steaming oatmeal with raisins.

Thick cozy socks.

Bulky sweater over jeans. Or a new sweatsuit. New ones always seem warmer.

Get into a political discussion. They're usually heated.

Get busy and chase those dust buffalo out from under your bed. That'll work up a little heat. Forget dust bunnies; it's better to go after the big dust buffalo. You'll feel all warm and fuzzy because you finally cleaned under the bed and because you worked up a sweat doing it.

Consider that those obnoxious kids you see everywhere on skateboards — with baggy clothes and baseball caps worn backwards — will someday lead the county. Or maybe they'll vote. If that doesn't chill you, it'll make you warm with fear.

Homemade bread. You'll heat up the kitchen with the oven and work up some heat kneading it. Sorry, the bread machine doesn't cut it. Gotta do it the hard way. Then enjoy the warm results with some hot tea.

Hot Dr. Pepper with a lemon slice floating in it. Really. It's good; try it.

Bake some cookies.

Cook some chili.

A chenille robe with warm socks.

Snuggle with the dog. Or a cat. Or your sweetie. Or all of the above.

Think about the price of gasoline. If that doesn't make you hot under the collar, then nothing will.